Tuesday, September 21, 2010


Oh HAI, Internetz! Happy Monday and all that jazz.

After a busy weekend of WORK. MEETINGS. FROM. HELL. I have entered into another work week that contains MORE. MEETINGS. FROM. HELL. Say it with me, BOO!

I'm trying to psych myself up for a daylong workshop tomorrow that is mandatory for all personnel. It runs all day and the thought of it makes me cringe. I don't know if I have adult ADD or what, but things like that make me squirm like nobodies business. My mind wanders, I get restless, I start creating back stories for other people in the room... What? Just me?

If I'm lucky, I'll be able to sneak on Twitter or something with my phone to help me through those inevitable boring workshop moments.

Work has been keeping me very busy, hence the lack of daily blogging, but I'm hoping that after this week it slows down a little bit.

But the distraction while I'm in the midst of this uber long ttc break is probably good. I have absolutely NO CLUE what cycle day it is and while that would normally cause me a bit of anxiety, I can honestly tell you that at this very moment, I could care less. Don't get me wrong - I won't feel this way forever - but it is a kind of nice place to dwell for the moment.

Tell me something, Internetz, how do/did you know that the path that you're on to create a family is the right one for you? I'm asking this with total innocence and all curiosity. It's been something that's been on and off of my mind while we've been on break and toyed with all of our potential family building options. I am honestly curious what brought you to your chosen path if you're willing to share? Perhaps it would be helpful for all of us!

If you feel comfortable, I hope that you'll share your answer below! Remember - totally no judgements on what anyone decided to do - we all may have different paths, but we're always here to support each other.


S said...

Honestly, I'm still not 100% sure that the family-building path we are on is the right one. (I am now seeing a counselor to work on this.)

But for me, given my husband's feelings about adoption, the path we are own seems to be the only one which will lead to (eventual) parenthood. And I'm not yet ready to accept a path that won't lead to that destination.

Ashley said...

I am excited to see what others have to say because honestly, I am in the same boat you are. We are on a TTC break and I have days where I know what path we should/want to be on and days where I am totally not sure and wonder if we should even have kids! I can't believe I just typed that but it is true. Hope to hear some good things :) Good luck!

Geochick said...

We didn't take a break between TTC and adoption, it just seemed like the right path to take despite not knowing much about it. Since we're both engineers we approached it somewhat practically. IVF would have been just as expensive and was not guaranteed to result in a baby. I hated clo.mid and fem.ara and was not down with giving myself a bunch of shots anyway. We're in our mid-late 30's so not a lot of time left to get our family started. Neither one of us was afraid of adoption. (that came later during our homestudy and education, but we're pretty comfortable now.)

Jonelle said...

After our final IUI ended in a miscarriage (#2), we decided that we were done with the ups and downs of IF treatment. It was bleeding our savings dry and although we were offered a 5th IUI we turned it down. I was so ready to be off the drugs.
DH always was very open to adoption. I was the one that needed time to think about it. We went to grief counselling to help us grief this last miscarriage and our IF. It helped that our counselor had dealt with both IF and adoption.
Once I mourned the dream of biological children and the experience of a pregnancy I was able to open my heart to adoption. Right now we are in the home study process.
(Sorry this was so long)


Anonymous said...

i believe I will eventually get pregnant and have my own children but for some reason there is a whole lot of 'me' getting in my way. so I work on that. I work on becoming the me I once knew instead of the me of the last 3 years who was always trying to get pregnant and have a baby. I don't know exactly why I know we'll get there but I just believe we will.

I have never been to a psychic until last week... I went with only 2 questions I had hoped for answers too. 1. will I have my own child and 2. can I survive on my own and flourish in my small business without having to keep this shit f/t job I dislike so much. the answer was yes to both questions. 1. she could see me in 5 years time with 2 children (a boy and a girl) but that having them would still require some sort of fertility "augmentation" to make that happen and 2. my business is viable and she could see that there would be a need to move it out of my home to a location.

would never have thoughts I'd go to a psychic but oddly I find a little peace in what she told me. an affirmation if you will that I'm still on the right path and just have to surrender to whatever life and time line the universe has in store for me. I have often questioned if we should get the adoption ball rolling but it just doesn't feel right to me, I don't believe at this point it is the right fit for my husband and I. but I so admire those families who do... I find myself fascinated by their stories and blogs.

Heather said...

Bring a notepad and write a note to someone. I usually write my Grandmother. She doesn't do email or text or anything and I'm ALWAYS owing her a letter so it is a good way to kill time...if you can get away with it!

Michelle said...

Great question!
I have no freakin clue if this is the right path for me or not. We weighed out the emtionally and actual costs of IVF, IUI with donor sperm and adoption.
We decided to try IVF once, with his sperm and if this doesn't work (dear god no), we will pick another path.

Stephanie said...

I love this and love reading everyone's comments. We are still so new to this process having just gone through our first (failed) IUI this past cycle. We know from my PCOS and his sperm issues we more than likely won't get pregnant on our own so IUI was the next step. However, I want a biological baby so badly I would skip the next 4-5 potential IUIs to go right to IVF (thank goodness for parents and grandparents who can provide funding support). At this point, adoption is in the back of our minds, but we both want a baby that we created. I can't see us going the adoption route until many IUIs and a couple IVFs do not work out and then there would need to be counseling, especially for me, to mourn that loss.

*I am in awe of the adoption stories I read, but in this moment its not on my heart. I'm still praying for a biological child.

Anonymous said...

I don't think you ever do...

Seriously we drew the line at this is as far as we will go and then moved the line as we toed it....and as we moved the line the path changed as did our marriage...

Jamie said...

I've really been pondering this one myself in the last couple of days. I went off the pill almost two years ago, and two RE's later, I'm simply seeing an internist right now who wants to try and address the problem herself. She gave me what really amounts to a 6-month plan right now- metaformin and 20 lbs of weight loss along with a low carb diet... with the goal of decreasing my insulin resistance and "making my womb habitable".

Does this even seem right? It kills me to know that we're not seriously trying for the next 6 months... not really sure if I'm even up for that mentally.

Kristin said...

Honestly, the only option we had for continuing to grow our family was trying the old fashioned way and have meds standing by to make it stick (hopefully). We couldn't afford anything else and our insurance didn't cover anything else.

Les said...

We're planning to build our family through adoption through the foster care system and hopefully also trying IVF next summer. We knew that saving the money for IVF was going to take some serious time and didn't want to endure another year without having anything to show for it. I've also always felt a strong desire to adopt, so this was something I was open to before we found out about our issues. It took some time, but eventually D came around to it too. I love being part of this blogging community- to be able to share in each others' journeys no matter what path is chosen. You're in my thoughts this week!

Bridget said...

First off I'm glad to see that although life is crazy for you now you are in a good place with the break in TTCing

We started our journey in surrogacy last year, and really felt strongly since it was the only option that allowed us to have a biological child of our own. I can not carry our baby due to Rh incompatibility, and the hubby feels strongly that he wants a biological child. (I was open to adoption and AI with donor sperm to carry a child. Honestly I am open to whatever way it going to make us parents, but I understand his want of a biological child so that's where we are.

waiting and wishing said...

Time. It took me a long time ( a break of about 8 mos.) to really come to terms with the fact that trying to have a baby the old fashion way just wasn't going to work for us. It was a hard pill to swallow for me, but once I was really ready to take the next step I made the appointment. I feel amazing about our choice to wait until I was fully ready, it is great to feel the hope being restored!

~Katie said...

Wow, what a great post and awesome responses! This took me back 5 year, but here goes...We had 3 failed IUI's (unexplained infertility). Like Jonelle, I was DONE with the ups and downs. I was worn out emotionally and physically. So we decided to just take a break.

We did LOTS of soul searching and praying and talking. We had several neighbors that were in the process of adopting from China. And several months later we submitted our Dossier to China to adopt. It was a waiting game.

During this "waiting" we thought it would be great to be foster parents. I always wanted to foster and Seth was open to it. We had no intentions to adopt. In fact, we decided to do it then b/c we had no children of our own and knew we could take kids with lots of issues like sexual abuse and such. Anyhow, we were totally expecting an angry 8 year old who had issues galore and low and behold... LYDIA walked through our door at exactly 5 months old with her 14 year old birthmom. They were with us for 3 weeks until C (her birthmom) ran away leaving Lydia behind with us. It's a super LONG story from there... but to shorten it...2 years later we adopted Lydia and Zachary just a few months apart.

It's a journey and you have to walk that journey before you "know" your path. And then just when you have it all figured out...it changes again. :)

Sorry about all the meetings and such. Love your blog!

Anonymous said...

I think not being sure is the sane choice. I'm two weeks away from egg donor embryo transfer, visiting my friend's newborn, and thinking, "Is this really a good idea?" But I know the alternative will have my fretting and feeling unfinished for the rest of my life, so I have to at least try.

-- Liesel

Anonymous said...

I'm with Betty R, I don't think one ever "knows" for certain if the path is the perfect one. I think it's about faith that any choice we make is the right one. Okay, so maybe I'm just saying it to comfort myself, but it works for me. LOL.

I plod along daily and pay attention to my gut. If my gut says, "Um, yeah....not so good," I turn in another direction. Or tell my gut to stuff it and keep going...either way, I'm learning to trust my family-building decisions. Much luck to in figuring it all out. Or not. Either way, it's fine. ;-)

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