Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Post-Injection Meltdown

Happy February ICLW, Internetz! If you're just popping by for the first time, glad to have you here and hope you'll consider sticking around as a blog follower! I have PCOS, my husband has azoospermia (no sperm) and together we're attempting to spawn life with the help of donor sperm and IUI's. You've caught me right at the start of dIUI #3 which was almost cancelled before it even began thanks to Cyril the giant cyst (yes, I named it), who has taken up residence in my left ovary. Fortunately Cyril is a happy, non-estrogen producing cyst so I'm still in the game and doing a protocol of Femara and Follistim.

My first Follistim injection was last night. Now I've done injections before but having been on a break since the summer, I felt like an injectibles virgin all over again! My RE has me doing intramuscular (IM) injections for the Follistim. Why?

Because she's a SADIST, that's why!

No. Since I tend to be a slow/poor responder, she prefers me to do all IM injections all the time. This means no short needle tummy injections for this girl. We're talking the big guns in my big butt! (Well okay, upper hip). You know that really long, scary needle that some of you may have had to use to mix meds (often seen when you have to do your own trigger shot)? That's the s.o.b. that I get to inject with each night. FUN.

This is particularly traumatic for me because of my (ridiculous) needle phobia. I know some of you are thinking: "Fertility Chick, wha? You post about acupuncture and blood work and more! How can YOU be such a needle wimp?"

Internetz, it's true. I am a needle wimp. Still. Oh I've gotten better. Much, much better. Back in the day, you couldn't even get me in to do blood work. I'd shake, I'd sweat, I'd cry - it was quite the dramatic ordeal! Since this whole fertility stuff came in to play, I've managed somehow to psych myself up and handle all the needles that have come my way with a certain amount of grace. But these big needles, oh they get me every time.

They are just. So. LONG. Go back up and look at the picture. See the difference? That long sucker is what I get to have every night. Again, this about sums it up.

Last night, we managed to get the injection done in a record first needle time of 12 minutes. That included the prep time to get everything ready as well as being reunited with my Injection BFF the ice pack for a good five minutes. This is a new record for me, Internetz. The last time we were doing IM injections at home it took me almost an hour to get the first one.

Yes, I'm that bad. Pity poor Irish Boy now.

When I see that long, scary needle, all of my needle issues well up and overflow. There are tears. There is bargaining. There is lament. There are cries of "not wanting to do this!" and wails of "why can't we make a baby the fun way like everyone else!" Then more tears until I finally get myself so worked up and pissed off that through gritted teeth I tell Irish Boy to "do it" while I sing at the top of my lungs.

I'd YouTube this for you but honestly, I'm such a wimp you'd probably all abandon my blog in disgust!

Round two is tonight with an undetermined amount of rounds to go. I am hoping and praying that with the addition of Femara (my first time using it) I will respond better and my injection days are limited!

So there you have it, Internetz. The good, the bad, and the mostly ugly of me getting injections. I am ridiculous. I KNOW. But don't you feel sorry for me just a little?

Happy ICLW everyone! I hope to get some comments going on all of your blogs later today!

34 comments:

..Soo.See.. said...

And a happy ICLW to you too! Man, IM injects suck! :( But I'm glad you've found a way to get through your phobia. I remember freakin' out at even the thought of ART injects, especially those IM ones. So huge hugs so you can get through round 2 tonight! Woot for being able to keep this cycle going!

Vanilla Bean said...

You are a trooper! I haven't gotten to the injection stage of our journey yet...I don't know how I would handle it, either. GL!

Crossed Fingers said...

That picture made me shudder - don't apologize, you're probably doing better than I would in your shoes. I hope this rounds works for you two!

Katie said...

I'm not afraid of needles, but the length of that thing makes me shake when I look at it. Aghhhhhh. You are such a trooper!

A.B. said...

I have also had to suck up my needle phobia for the babymaking. I also could not have blood drawn without laying down/staying down--because I'm a big ol' wimp who passes out. So, I guess it just took me turning 30?

Good luck! Many fertile thoughts!

Baby On Mind said...

I just started my Lupron (SubQ) shots a few days ago. Luckily for me, I am not doing any IM shots except for the HCG, which you have no idea how happy I am. I am terrified of having to do the IM shot, so I sympathize with you. I think you are so brave do the the IM shot! Way to go girl!

Courtney (AKA MommaRoberts) said...

You are doing great! I'd be a big crying lump of mush! Wow that needle it huge! Good luck hun!!

Logical Libby said...

My husband and I once thought of auctioning off the IM shots to friends and family. I mean, as long as I had to get stabbed in the ass we figured we would give people an opportunity to vent anger, and make a little cash...

2momswithaplan said...

Oh boy! That is a huge needle! It will all be worth it in the end!

Tiffany said...

Hey there...whoa, put down the syringe I didn't mean to startle you! lol. Just letting you know you have an award waiting for you at my blog! Keep being awesome!

zengirl said...

You poor thing,...I think IF women are some of the bravest women around. You deserve a shiny medal for this! I've had my share of scary needles, but I don't know if I can ever handle injecting myself if it ever comes to that. Hang in there- I hope it gets easier for you each time. And I'm praying there's a baby at the end of all this for you and your husband! Good luck dear! Luv, Z

Mad Hatter said...

HATE the big trigger needle. HATE IT. Had my own freak-out last Wednesday night which I haven't even written about, I'm so traumatized...My heart goes out to you for doing it every night!!! I have one tomorrow night and will be thinking of you...
XOXO
Love,
Maddy

Fran said...

Oh sweetie, I understand!! I also went through the phase of the "why do we have to do this?" but then you just have to. Thinking of you for round two my friend, and really hoping it'll all be worth it in the end! Fran

lowfatlady said...

I think you are doing great. I hate needles too and could never do acupuncture. Hope you start seeing some good results soon.

Christina Lee said...

wow what a trooper- I am always so humbled when I stop over here...

Andrea said...

I used to be a needle wimp too...but we are resilient and we push forward :) Kudo's to you for being so inspiratinal and open.

I wish you nothing more than complete success!

pandadiaries said...

ISo far I've been okay with others yielding the needle but as far as giving them to myself.......I don't know how I'd handle that!
I'm sorry that you have to go through all this. I'm praying for you!

finch said...

Aww, I DO feel sorry for you! That needle is not only long, but thick! I don't know how many your have left, but it's one less than yesterday. Maybe you should summon some Olympic spirit and try to beat your time tonight. Go team!

Kristin said...

Damn that's a nasty looking needle. I'm not scared of needles and that one would give me pause. Good luck sweetie.

aladdinsane12 said...

<> that does NOT sounds pleasant! just keep thinking what the end result of all this is, though!

Kim said...

Yikes thats a big needle....I can't believe you have to do that shot everyday! You are such a trooper! All in the name of babies, what wouldn't we do for one?!

addingtothepack said...

Ouch!

Lovin Ma Soldier said...

I don't love needles but I don't see myself as having a problem with them... but dang girl I think I would have an issue with that hellish mixing needle too! Ugh, so sorry but hopefully it'll either continue to get easier OR better yet you won't need to do it again after this dIUI ;)

Sarah said...

Holy freakin crap. Ouch! I hate needles too, when I was a kid it would take my mother and 4 nurses to hold me down to get bloodwork. I'm a little better now. I had to get a shot of rogan...big needle..painful medicine..after the miscarriage. Because of course I have a bloodtype that would be toxic to a fetus. Yay. I don't feel a little sorry for you, I feel A LOT sorry for you. :)Take pics of the needles and bruises. So when your kid is 14 and hatin you...you can say LOOK what I did for you :)

Nikus said...

Go watch Guiliana and Bill's last episode (it's on E). They just started injections and her first was pretty funny. I think that is our next step. Hubby told me he would probably faint if he had to poke me, so this could be really entertaining. Hang in there!

subfertilefrugalista said...

Oh my. That IS a big needle! But I'm so glad to hear that you did it in record time. Progress, focus on the progress.

Oh, and btw, the word verification for this comment is "twini." Hmmmmmmmm...should we take this as a sign of things to come for the fertility chick?! I think so!
Lots of luck!!
Christina

TwoDogMama said...

I'm sorry to hear about the big needles. I only had to do one of those IM needles once (since my IVF's were a big f'ed up mess), but it hurt like hell when I had it done (my husband did it for me). I am sending you my pity because you deserve it!

By the way I nominated you for an award on my blog. Enjoy!

pcostory said...

Those IM needles are how I get my triggers and probably how I will have to do the injectables. I am glad this meltdown was shorter than usual. Your post made me laugh and cry I so get it.

Clare said...

Eeek it does sound painful - i think i would be a complete needle wimp, if the needle were that long!! Sending you lots of courageous vibes for your next appointment with Mr. Long Needle.

[cre] said...

oh my goodness! Good grief! I am so worried b/c I'm either doing just Femera next month, a combo of Femera & Injects or just Injects in addition to a trigger no matter what stim we use (I will know more on Tues). I'm TERRIFIED! I've done 3 months of Clomid - I know nothing about Injects! My husband is freaked out, too.
I don't like needles but it's a necessary evil, I understand that. Good luck girl. You deserve to be a mom!

Myndi said...

I don't have a phobia about needles per se, but I certainly don't love them and the idea of having to do IM's at home? No, thanks. Would if I had to, but hope I never find myself there. A brave woman you are to tackle those nasty things!

Best wishes in your cycle!

Happy ICLW!

Stephanie said...

Poor thing. I remember all those shots all too well. Just remember what you're doing it for - it's SO worth it. Good luck!!

Dana said...

YIKES I just realized I start injections in just over a montH! Thats a long effing needle!

Willow said...

Ooh, I hate those big scary needles! And I've definitely had the "I can't take another injection" crying jags, too. Ugh. Good luck this cycle--may all those jabs be well worth it!

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