I was at a funeral last week for a family friend. He died, doing something he loved, in a tragic accident. He was doing everything right - had all the appropriate equipment including a helmet - but in spite of it all, the accident took him from us. He was a husband, father, and grandfather - much older than me - but not old by any stretch of the word. In fact he was probably healthier than me - than most of us - and loved being outdoors and being active.
It was a tough funeral.
But what stuck with me then - and has stayed with me now - was his motto: "Attack Life." That's how he lived. No fear. No concerns about failure. Just giving everything that he ever did his all. Because of that he lived a life of supreme joy. Oh sure he had stresses and challenges like we all do - but he never let anything block his path from living life to its fullest.
Attack life. I love that.
My life is, if I'm honest with you, Internetz, ruled by fear. As a true Type A and perfectionist at heart, the thought of doing anything that could result in failure, terrifies me. So usually? I don't do it.
I'm scared about what people might think of me if I'm at the gym. So sometimes? I use that as an excuse not to go.
Trying something new (though admittedly I have gotten better with this as I've gotten older)? Often, I don't do it, out of fear.
Fear and excuses. That's what sometimes rules my life.
It's true for infertility too. For months - even years - I refused to seek help from doctors because I was too afraid of what the diagnosis would be. Too afraid of the countless tests and needles I knew that I would be subjected to. Too afraid of the pain - both physical and emotional. I was even pretty scared of becoming a mom - even though I really wanted to be one more than anything else in the world.
Truth is, the diagnosis was pretty shitty - but you know what? When we attacked infertility - we kicked it's sorry ass. Maybe we didn't get pregnant - but I was no longer afraid of needles, of ultrasounds up in ladyville, of doctors, of a diagnosis. I was no longer afraid to be a parent - a mother - in whatever way the journey took us.
We're admittedly on a new path to becoming parents as we pursue adoption and of course, there are fears that go along with that too.
It's okay to be scared. But it's not okay to let fear rule your life.
So Internetz, in honour of my friend, I'm hoping that I can borrow his "Attack Life" motto.
Because I'm ready to kick fear's ass into next week.