Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Attack Life

I was at a funeral last week for a family friend. He died, doing something he loved, in a tragic accident. He was doing everything right - had all the appropriate equipment including a helmet - but in spite of it all, the accident took him from us. He was a husband, father, and grandfather - much older than me - but not old by any stretch of the word. In fact he was probably healthier than me - than most of us - and loved being outdoors and being active.

It was a tough funeral.

But what stuck with me then - and has stayed with me now - was his motto: "Attack Life." That's how he lived. No fear. No concerns about failure. Just giving everything that he ever did his all. Because of that he lived a life of supreme joy. Oh sure he had stresses and challenges like we all do - but he never let anything block his path from living life to its fullest.

Attack life. I love that.

My life is, if I'm honest with you, Internetz, ruled by fear. As a true Type A and perfectionist at heart, the thought of doing anything that could result in failure, terrifies me. So usually? I don't do it.

I'm scared about what people might think of me if I'm at the gym. So sometimes? I use that as an excuse not to go.

Trying something new (though admittedly I have gotten better with this as I've gotten older)? Often, I don't do it, out of fear.

Fear and excuses. That's what sometimes rules my life.

It's true for infertility too. For months - even years - I refused to seek help from doctors because I was too afraid of what the diagnosis would be. Too afraid of the countless tests and needles I knew that I would be subjected to. Too afraid of the pain - both physical and emotional. I was even pretty scared of becoming a mom - even though I really wanted to be one more than anything else in the world.

Truth is, the diagnosis was pretty shitty - but you know what? When we attacked infertility - we kicked it's sorry ass. Maybe we didn't get pregnant - but I was no longer afraid of needles, of ultrasounds up in ladyville, of doctors, of a diagnosis. I was no longer afraid to be a parent - a mother - in whatever way the journey took us.

We're admittedly on a new path to becoming parents as we pursue adoption and of course, there are fears that go along with that too.

It's okay to be scared. But it's not okay to let fear rule your life.

So Internetz, in honour of my friend, I'm hoping that I can borrow his "Attack Life" motto.

Because I'm ready to kick fear's ass into next week.


JM said...

Go you and your fear-kickin' butt! I've been struggling with this recently, but am inspired to push past it. Here we go!

Kelly said...

I may have needed this little bit of inspiration.

Suzy, Not a Fertile Myrtle said...

Oh I am so there with you. I am a scaredy cat too. Way too much. Most times I would rather put my head in the sand than face the fear head on.

Thank you for this reminder to Attack Life!!!

Juliana said...

Good luck with attacking adoption, all the fears that come with it will be well worth it. Then it will be awhole bunch of new fears! So Attack it!

Cherbear said...

this post rocks! However, I am so sorry for the loss of your friend that brought you to write it.

Circus Princess said...

Amen sistah!

Suzy, Not a Fertile Myrtle said...

I forgot to tell you that I am so sorry for your loss. The sudden loss of a friend is always difficult.

Carlia said...

i'm so sorry to hear about your friend, but what a great motto. i really needed that today. i hope everything is going well in the adoption process!

JJ said...

I am very sorry for the loss of your friend--holding you in my thoughts.

I LOVE that--Attack Life. And I am going to say that daily for sure...

Kristin said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. I love his motto. He sounds like an awesome person.

And, you are pretty damned awesome too. Now go kick fear's ass.

Anonymous said...

Great post. I'm late reading it but it really hit home.

"the thought of doing anything that could result in failure, terrifies me. So usually? I don't do it. "

This is me to a T. I finally feel like I am to the point in my career that I have to either shit or get off the pot. It's bleepin' scary because what I really want to do I am absolutely terrified of failing at.

I admire people like your friend who have the "attack life" mantra. Hopefully one day that will be me!

The Disheartened said...

I just started following your blog and I love it! Very inspiring!

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