Tuesday, July 6, 2010


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So I'm in a bit of a funk over this whole IVF thing.

It's not the IVF itself - though I confess to still being terrified about the whole process and not really sure that yours truly (wimp extraordinaire) can handle all of this.

Perhaps funk isn't the right word. Overwhelmed definitely covers it.

I started some holidays from work at the end of last week and you'd think that would be a good thing. I had big plans. I was going to start a regular workout routine to help me in my weight loss goal for IVF. I was going to get back to acupuncture and start taking all of my supplements again. I was going to be energized, positive, and totally into all that will help us pursue IVF in the new year.

That hasn't happened. None of it has happened.

I don't know if it's the heat, being overtired from a super busy time at work or just the fact that it's all so overwhelming.

We're definitely feeling more secure about the whole financial aspect of IVF, but we've got to work some more of that out.

I need - not want - NEED - to lose a good 50 lbs. to reach my personal goal of where I'd feel comfortable attempting IVF.

I do want this - please don't give me the "if you really want all this, you'd shut up and get on it" speech - I know most of you would mean well but it won't help me at this point.

I'm just overwhelmed and I don't know if I can do this.

Irish Boy is a great support (seriously, the man is a saint) but I really wish that I had a group of female friends who would cheer me on. I don't really have that - most of my girlfriends here are busy with their own lives and families. They don't get the IF thing so I'm feeling a tad lonely out here.

I don't know if I can lose the weight - I sure as heck can't get going to even lose 5lbs.

And if I can let you in on the secret that I've held only in my heart, what if I feel like it probably won't happen for me? That I won't be one of the successful ones?

So overwhelmed. Don't take this as my pity party - just hoping that my vent will help me find a better place to dwell.


Heather said...

The house next door is for sale...move in and I'll be your partner! We'll get you in shape! xoxox

Kristin said...

Lots of {{{hugs}}} honey. I need to join you on that weight loss journey. I can be your online partner.

Candidly_Andrea said...

Come live here in Ottawa with me! You'll find your pace when you're ready. Lots of hugs xoxo

ColeImperi said...

Have you 'met' Kara? She's the pres. of golden shoes, has PCOS and has done all kinds of fertility treatments. She would understand what you're going through. Her blog is www.exclusivelyevans.tumblr.com

We are adopting so I don't have any experience with this! But I'm sending you support vibes!

Busted Kate said...

I understand the vent! It was soooo hard for me to get to losing the weight. And I really didn't even make that big of strides, only 15 lbs or so before I got preggo (and I'm fluffy, so that wasn't that much). When I got my hubby on board, it was better... but still losing weight sucks. I'll never be one of those "if I don't exercise every day I feel terrible!" people. I don't even understand those people. But all that said, I've been there... and if you need a cheerleader I'm here!

Anonymous said...

You can do it! I know it's daunting. I find it helps to chop it up into little pieces. Instead of saying "I have to lose 50 pounds" just work on 5 pounds at a time. One thing at a time. And you should allow yourself some sort of pat on the back for accomplishing each one - even if it's just the satisfaction of crossing a line through it on your to do list. I'm a list person so I even put it on my blog to try and better motivate myself.
And you know you are NOT alone. The IF Twitterverse is here for you!

Lisa said...

How do I know that you will manage the IVF? Because you get to that point when it's time to start the fertility drugs, and you think "how can I cut and run?" You feel nauseous with fear, and then you tell yourself you won't forgive yourself for giving up the opportunity. You get through with it on a day-by-day basis.

Scared that you are one of the ones who won't succeed with IVF? If you already know that there is more of a chance of not succeeding, than succeeding, you can forget expectations. In fact, don't expect a result either way. Just tell yourself that its a higher chance than if you don't do anything.
OK, the weight: my greatest challenge as well. I would be more than happy supportingyou through emailsand tweets. None of my friends have weight challenges, so it's lonely here too. You have to just plunge in and do it as an "all or nothing" kind of goal. I will, if you will.


Circus Princess said...

I'll cheer you on from the sideline! And trust me, I know how overwhelming IVF can seem. It seemed to help to just take one day at a time, but I won't lie, it was still a bear.
Regardless of if you feel you won't be one of the "lucky ones", would you be satisfied moving on without giving it a go?

Sending lots of hugs!

Jem said...

Of course it's all overwhelming and scary. That's perfectly natural. You have to take it one day at a time, to coin a phrase. Heck, take it 15 minutes at a time, one meal at a time. It's this moment right now that counts. You can handle "right now" - you'll be able to do it. You have a full cheering section to help encourage you.

Heather said...

God it is so hard to get motivated, even if you WANT to do it...still hard.

But, I KNOW you can do this! You can - just take the first step.

(My first step is always boosting the amount of water I drink...it is easy and helpful and helps motivate me.)

YOU CAN DO THIS!! You just have to believe in yourself the way we believe in you!

Sara Renee said...

I lost 28lbs in 3 months, worked out for at least an hour a day, 5 days a week and tried not to eat horrible things ALL the time. Still let myself every once in a while though! If you jump on over to my blog you can see some pictures. :)

Rach said...

I have some work to do as well if I want to do IVF again. Probably right with you, about 40-50lbs.

Being overwhelmed is completely understandable! It's a big step, lots of work, emotional ups and downs, and expensive! But the risk is worth it.

babygaga said...

I wish you all the best with the weight loss. In my experience it helped a lot to cut out all sugar, and increase vegetables intake.
I ate the same wasn´t hungry but just changed the diet.
Just take one step at a time, take 2 weeks and do your best and if it goes well you might get encouraged to keep on going.

EB said...

I imagine taking on IVF is a pretty overwhelming prospect so your reaction seems totally normal to me. Give yourself a break and take care of yourself. You can DO it!

tmaddy said...

Get on Spark People and we will do this together!!!!

Nikus said...

Are you in AZ? I just joined an awesome boot camp and we can always use another lady! Plus even though I didn't know the other bootcampers, we were still pushing each other and cheering each other on! You can do this lady, I know it! You inspire me! And you can guarantee I am reading a lot because our next step is IVF.

lindsey said...

I felt that I needed to lose 50lbs before the iui. I need to lose 50lbs period. The dr does not agree with me at all. You have to trust your dr and yourself. Go with what your gut says. Either way, I love you! And I am so excited for you guys xoxo

Anonymous said...

You can do this, lady. I totally believe in you. I can't be there in person, but I'll be here reading along and cheering you on in any way that I can.


Sara said...

I believe in you!!! You can absolutely do this.... maybe you just needed to give your mind a little break. Also, I need to lose 50 lbs also (ok, really 75) and will totally be your online partner!!!

jensays said...

i am sure IVF won't work for me, i don't tell anyone that because they will accuse me of being negative. which i am. but i am still convinced i am going thru all of this for nothing.


Waiting Lisa said...

I know you can make it through IVF. There is no doubt in my mind. And we will all be here for support.

Too bad we don't live closer because I could really use a weight loss buddy too. I actually just started doing an internet program where you enter in everything you eat everyday.It's helping so far.

Love and hugs to you.

Eileen said...

I lost 43 lbs before my IVF. I know how daunting it can be but you just have to have faith that you CAN do it. Once you get into a workout routine, you'll see how easy it becomes after a couple of weeks. It will be like second nature. good luck!!!!!

AL said...

You can do this!! Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Wishing you lots of luck to lose the weight! You can do it!

Anonymous said...

Of course you are overwhelmed - it is scary stuff you are facing. But the good news is that once you are in it, it's not that bad.

Try to find bloggers in your area and see if youc an't arrange a meet up. Meeting fellow IFers made all the difference to my state of mind through this process and has helped to make me realise that I am not alone in all of this.

Good luck with the weight loss - it's tough and I know all about knowing that you need to do something and REALLY WANTING to do it and yet struggling beyond all belief to make it a reality.

Stephanie said...

Oh goodness, I feel your pain. Weight loss SUCKS! I started really trying to lose weight May 25 after our first RE appt. Its been a battle, but slowly but surely its happened little by little. I've lost a good 20 pounds since 5/25 using Calorie Count online and making sure I work out on the elliptical for an hour at least 5x a week. I must admit, I lost all control over the holiday weekend when we had visitors in town, but oh well. Its life, I enjoyed myself, put on a couple pounds and now I'm back to the grind. We can hold each other accountable! YOU CAN DO IT!!

Anonymous said...

I completely understand how you feel. I never believed the whole theory that if you lose just 10% of your body weight it can increase your fertility by leaps and bounds. However, after I went on my low amylose diet and lost just over 10% of my body weight, I was pregnant in a couple months.

I'm the same as you--it's really really hard for me to stay motivated and I need constant stimulation and outside reinforcement. Luckily, J helped me a lot and I have a coworker with whom I can discuss eating healthy lunches, etc., but in the end it really comes down to finding it and making it happen for yourself.

I am absolutely here to cheer you on because I know that it can impact your fertility...it can ONLY help! Take this time in preparing for IVF as a time to really prepare your body for pregnancy. Use it as an opportunity to make your body the best it can be in preparation for housing your little miracle. I know, for me, I gained a few pounds back after my miscarriage, so when I went into this pregnancy I was a few pounds heavier than I had hoped to be. I hate to say it, but I definitely watched the scale like a hawk for the first 5 months. I was so nervous that I would gain 20 lbs so quickly because it's what my body knows. I hated it and was so mad at myself for being such a stickler, so I can fully say that you will not be sorry if you lose the weight NOW. I certainly didn't try to lose weight, but my goal was not to gain much the first several months. Now I'm to the point that I can't help but gain, but I already have my sights set on how I'm going to get the weight back off as quickly as possible.

Just take this as your opportunity to prepare your body for the best possible situation--pregnancy AND housing that little bambino for 9 months. You won't be sorry!! Let me know what I can do to cheer you on. Maybe you could start a weekly/bi-weekly weigh-in on your blog. Or you could post struggles/successes and get feedback on here. Wishing you lots and lots of luck!!

Impatient Cas said...

I just started reading your blog, but I wanted to say that I completely get your issues with needing to lose weight. I am in the same situation, except I haven't had to face IVF yet. I know you can do it and wish you the best!

Suzy said...

I'm so sorry you're feeling overwhelmed right now. IVF scars me. Heck, all of it scares me.

And I totally get your weight loss woes. I need to loose 30 pounds before we do our IUI's.

I'm going to focus on loosing 5 pounds at a time. Hope that idea helps you too.

{big hugs} to you!

jrs said...

You can do it. Hang on to your little goal of 5 lbs at a time. Don't let the fear of failure prevent you from getting out the door.

Allison said...

You can do this.

Everything is big and scary when you think of it altogether, but I have faith that you will figure out the best plan for you. Cuz it's how us IFers roll.

Anonymous said...

I can sympathize and emphathize since I'm also trying to lose. I desperately need a support group so I'd be happy to join in for the sake of encouragement etc. Either way, I wish you the best with it!

Anonymous said...

I do the same thing with time off. I have such great plans, but I just want to spend some of it sitting on my butt and relaxing and that takes over.

You are not a wimp compared to me. I am such a big wimp. You can do this. It sounds scary and probably is, but I believe you can do it. You have already done so much.

TheFertilityBlogs said...

You can do it! Just think of it in small increments...5lbs at a time rather than one bigger number!!

Sarah said...

I'm so with ya honey.

aladdinsane12 said...

you can definitely do it! just set small goals and work up to it. i believe in you!

Jen @ After The Alter said...

I wish you nothing but luck in your goals. My recommendations is weight watchers...honestly I lost a bunch of weight before my wedding by doing it, and be sure to attend the meetings. It really helps. I think it's the most realistic means to lose weight. If you want more info let me know. I found great success with it! :)

Good luck!

Bobbi said...

You can do it! I had lost like 30 pounds before trying to conceive, and the main thing I did differently was cut my portions. I exercised only a moderate amount, but it was the food intake that changed everything. But, over the past almost 2 years of trying to conceive, I've gained it all back. I'm an emotional eater. So, needless to say, that makes me pretty depressed, on top of not being pregnant. :( But, if you put your mind and heart to it, you CAN do it! :)

P.S. I just started following your blog and I'm glad I have. Looking forward to continue reading on. :)

Bitsy Baby Photography said...

i'm so glad to see the support for you here!! I do know how stressful this season of your life can be, I've been there! I hope you have found some distractions while in the interim....Sending fertile wishes your way!

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