Well Internetz, you've likely wisely figured out by the picture to your left that, yes, my period has decided to arrive one day before my beta. It's timing has never been good. It's ridiculously late most of the time. But this time it's decided to turn up a tad early. So it looks like I'm out for this month.
Am I disappointed? Of course. Shocked? Not overly. I've been on this IF roller coaster long enough now to know that even the best of cycles can let us down. Am I upset? A little. I will confess to some tears but I did not dissolve into the puddle that I thought that I might.
As much as I'd prefer to share the glorious news of a BFP with you, I'm going to have to settle for this. Today, I've learned to respect myself a little more than I did before. I'm a lot stronger than I've ever been willing to give myself credit. I never thought that I'd be able to do this. To deal with all of the ups and downs and curve balls that infertility can throw. I never thought that I'd have the resolve or the resilience. Hell, I never really thought that I'd have the strength to even go through half of the stuff that I've had to thus far.
But you know what? I can do this. I will do this. Try as IF might, I refuse to let it bring me down.
Is this my pep talk to myself? You bet. Because I will be damned if I'm not going to go for my (futile) beta tomorrow morning, announce my CD-1, and get right back on this crazy ride. Day 3 wanding again? I'll take it. I.M. injections? Bring them on.
Because you know, I'm still in this game. Even the best of cycles will not break me.
I can do this. And you know what? You can too.
For all those wonderful women that are awaiting their betas or have received that glorious positive news - know that with all of my heart I congratulate you. I wish you nothing but a very happy and healthy nine months.
Also? I look forward to joining you one of these days.
Let's do this.