Thursday, March 18, 2010

No Go

Well Internetz, you've likely wisely figured out by the picture to your left that, yes, my period has decided to arrive one day before my beta. It's timing has never been good. It's ridiculously late most of the time. But this time it's decided to turn up a tad early. So it looks like I'm out for this month.

Am I disappointed? Of course. Shocked? Not overly. I've been on this IF roller coaster long enough now to know that even the best of cycles can let us down. Am I upset? A little. I will confess to some tears but I did not dissolve into the puddle that I thought that I might.

As much as I'd prefer to share the glorious news of a BFP with you, I'm going to have to settle for this. Today, I've learned to respect myself a little more than I did before. I'm a lot stronger than I've ever been willing to give myself credit. I never thought that I'd be able to do this. To deal with all of the ups and downs and curve balls that infertility can throw. I never thought that I'd have the resolve or the resilience. Hell, I never really thought that I'd have the strength to even go through half of the stuff that I've had to thus far.

But you know what? I can do this. I will do this. Try as IF might, I refuse to let it bring me down.

Is this my pep talk to myself? You bet. Because I will be damned if I'm not going to go for my (futile) beta tomorrow morning, announce my CD-1, and get right back on this crazy ride. Day 3 wanding again? I'll take it. I.M. injections? Bring them on.

Because you know, I'm still in this game. Even the best of cycles will not break me.

I can do this. And you know what? You can too.

For all those wonderful women that are awaiting their betas or have received that glorious positive news - know that with all of my heart I congratulate you. I wish you nothing but a very happy and healthy nine months.

Also? I look forward to joining you one of these days.

Let's do this.

65 comments:

Kindra said...

You totally made me cry. And I wholeheartedly agree, LET'S DO THIS!

lowfatlady said...

You rock and are totally strong. I'm so sorry she showed up early, but you are taking this so well. I hope this next cycle is it for you. It will be your turn soon.

lis said...

i love the positivity about the negative. i am so for keeping perspective in these situations.
but...that fucking blows dude and im so very sorry it didn't work. thank god for the hope of a new cycle that is always right around the corner.
xoxo

Kim said...

You can and will do this!!! See you on the other side, one day. :)
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Jessica said...

I will be with ya every step of the way!!!

pcostory said...

So sorry that she showed! I know how much it sucks and we are all here for and with you on this crazy trip. Hugs.

Sarah said...

Oh, crap. :( I'm so sorry this cycle ended in a "no go." But wow, just reading your post, gave me some strength too. We will have our babies, we will. And it will be oh-so-extra-sweet :) Wonderful things come to those who wait. Or wait and wait and wait and wait. :) It'll happen for us.

Rach said...

Aw man, I'm so sorry. :( Your determination give me motivation though. Thanks!

Pre-Heated Oven said...

You are so positive, it really inspires me! LET'S DO THIS! For real!

wait, what? said...

So sorry! Way to stay positive.

Ashley said...

I am so sorry! But u are staying so positive and that's great!

Mad Hatter said...

Aw, FC...I so wish that it were a different outcome and that you didn't have to be so strong, but you know I'm here cheering you on - we can and will do this. All for one and one for all!
Love,
Maddy

liberalgranolagirl said...

You rock cycle sister. Had my CD3 date with Wandy today.

I agree. LET'S DO THIS!

TheresaSelzer said...

Thanks for the pep talk. Got my period on St. Patty's Day so I am right there with you. We can do this!

Freely Living Life said...

Hello!

We came across your site through the FF and decided to follow your blog. We are looking forward to reading more of your posts. Come on over and visit us when you get a free moment. Have a fabulous day! <3

Tiffany said...

I'm sorry you are going through such a struggle! I really hope you get your BFP someday soon!

The Boob Nazi said...

Boooo period.

Michelle said...

Sorry for the BFN! IF sucks but you are totally right! We can't let it bring us down!!! I hope the enxt one is yours!

Circus Princess said...

You are awesome! And we can totally do this!

Sorry about the BFN this month :(

abumpyride said...

Your can do it, yes you can! The way you talk about this gives the universe total faith that you can, and will, get through!

Fran said...

i am so sorry it didn't work but damn you are fantastic. I admire you , that's the way to go girl. Love, Fran

NaVe said...

Good for you! You can do it! I really admire your strength and resolve to stay positive! <3

Allison said...

You made me cry. After, of course, I said a few choice curse words to your period.

sienna said...

i love your attitude. i just got a bfn from my first ivf as well. you're right, let's get up and do this again :o)

Francie said...

You = champ.

Sara said...

You are AMAZING!!!! You hve such a great attitude!! I praying it works out for you this next time!!

Malinda said...

totally sucks but i love that you are hopping right back on the wagon.... won't be too much longer and I'll be following you down the IUI path...

let's do this... BFP in 2010!

callmemama said...

So sorry about the bfp :(. You have a fantastic attitude though, and I admire that.
Hopefully the next one is the one!

Basic Girl said...

I am soo so sorry she showed, but I absolutely love your attitude. Totally inspiring, and you're right...our time is coming, we will not get beat down. 2010 is SO going to be our year!!!

Crossed Fingers said...

I'm sorry AF decided to show up - I was hoping you would have better news. But your attitude towards it is wonderful - it sucks and we hate it but I always suck it up and say "Fresh start this cycle" and go with the flow.

[cre] said...

You are SO awesome! I'm terribly sorry AF came but I love how positive and strong you remain!

Kristin said...

I am so sorry this wasn't your month...but I am so very impressed with your wonderfully positive attitude.

Al said...

You're right, we can and WILL do this. So sorry for the BFN, but here's hoping you can jump right into another IUI (no cysts!!)

cgd said...

So sorry for you, BFN never gets any easier. Stay strong.

R.J. said...

I'm so sorry this wasn't your month. But your attitude is stellar and thanks for the holler-out to the rest of us to keep on, keeping on. I agree - Let's do this (again, and again).

Chelle said...

I am so glad you won't let this best you, that you have picked up the pieces so quickly and moved on already. Remember to always keep that attitude!

HopeBPatient said...

Thanks for the awesomely positive post! Fight on!

Jennifer said...

So sorry, but I gotta say, You Are Awesome!! Your positive attitude is fantastic! I love it.

Jenny said...

Blah as soon as I saw the picture I knew.

Dang AF and her unwillingness to just go away for nine months!

But go you and your amazing ability to handle it. You are a rock star.

Marla.z said...

I'm sorry, FC. I was bummed when I saw your tweet. =( But, yes, let's continue on with the next mofo cycle! You go, girl!

Suzie-Q T-Pie said...

Sorry she had to rear her ugly head,.. she's coming for me next.
We will get threw this .. we will we wil.. !

aladdinsane12 said...

oh no! what a disappointment. BUT you are totally right- i'm sure this whole process is making you stronger. and when you actually do get pregnant, you will feel so much more victorious because of the struggle.

Heather said...

I'm so sorry! I wanted this to be a BFP post too.

But this is a positive post because you are strong. You provide strength to all of us too.

Waiting Lisa said...

I'm so sorry.

Love the attitude. You are an inspiration.

Kelly said...

shit. that totally sucks, but you're attitude is inspiring. Don't lose that. It will happen. Let's definitely do this!

http://thepursuitofmommyness.com/

Ernie said...

I'm sorry this cycle didn't turn out as hoped. I do love reading your blog, you truly inspire me. I hope that at my next CD1 (which I of course hope isn't for another 9 months) I can boost myself up for the next step!

stillwaitingformysunshine.wordpress.com said...

you are such a positive role model! thanks for such a great uplifting post!

Krissi said...

OMG! Love your positive attitude! What an inspiration you are! You are so strong and you're right, you CAN do this! Happy ICLW! (Stress Free Infertility)

an insight into me said...

If only you could bottle your positivity and sell it eh.


ICLW
#101
http://thegalwho.wordpress.com/

Melanie said...

I am visiting from the Lady Blogger Tea Party. I am very sorry about your struggle. I really hope it happens for you.

Melanie
http://itsmemelbie.blogspot.com

Shanny said...

Your attitude is fantastic! Sorry about the BFN =(

Katie said...

My beta was negative too, and now I'm on CD 1. Ready to go back at it. (What other choice do I have?) I wish you luck! Your positive attitude is inspiring.

Sarah said...

I'm sorry hun, that sucks. big time.

Heather said...

Awesome attitude! Seriously!

HI, I'm here fro ICLW to say Hi and give you some love.

ICLW #29

Mo and Will said...

Ugh. I am so sorry you got a negative this cycle.

Here from ICLW.

Mo

Christina Lee said...

Stronger than you give yourself credit for? HELL YA!!!!!!
*hugs*

Jen @ After The Alter said...

First let me say I'm so sorry and send some hugs....2nd, I love your go get em attitude. You've been through so much, but as you say it can only make you stronger. It's ok to be sad and frustrated, but if we all let the sad, and horribel things in our lives define is then we lose..and life is too good to miss! HUGS!

Stickles McQueen said...

Wow, you go girl! Clearly this post is getting a lot of love.

Thanks for the kick in the pants. I needed that.

Beautiful Mess said...

Sorry I'm late posting on this. You made me cry and get the chills. I love ya sweetie!
*HUGS*

Holly said...

Love your pep talk..let's do this!

daega99 said...

Hope this new cycle will be successful!

ICLW
http://daega99-arewethereyet.blogspot.com/

Krista said...

If only infertility were a woman. We could all beat the snot out of her. Sorry about your cycle. Thanks for the pep talk!

TeeJay said...

What a wonderful pep talk. I'm so sorry that AF showed up. She sucks. Keep pumping out those positive vibes...we can all use them!

kemstarr said...

I LOVED the pep talk!! We definitely CAN do this! We all have our own issues and varying situations, but the Lord is our strength, and we are all gaining strength from each other. It's a true blessing. *bear hug*

Canadagirl said...

Sorry about AF. But I need to thank you for your positive attitude.....it has given me a kick in the butt because I was feeling pretty down today. We will do this!!! all of us!

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