Saturday, November 21, 2009

To Boldly Go

Internetz, don't worry. This is not a post about peeing. Though, if I may brag for a moment, I do believe that I pee like a champ. Those OPK sticks may not be giving me any definitive answers, but hell if I can't pee on them wherever and whenever!
But no, this is not about pee. Rest assured.

Today, as I posted on Twitter, I boldly faced many infertiles' nightmare: the baby shower. It was baby shower time for my friend today. The one who got married this summer. The one who was pregnant before the wedding and announced her good news at the rehearsal much to my shock. Yeah, that one.

I contemplated not going. I won't lie. I certainly had some legitimate excuses. I had to work this morning and was involved in a community event that obviously I couldn't just postpone so I was going to be late to the shower (this was probably a good thing for me) anyways. But I'm sure I could've just said that I had a work conflict. Or that I was sick. Or that my car broke down. Or that I've fallen and can't get up! (Do you remember that commercial? It always made me crack up. I know, I'm pure evil.)

Anyways, this friend has been a friend for a very long time. We've been together through thick and thin. She knows what Irish Boy and I are going through. I've given her a glimpse into this often awful world of IF - a world that she will never have to know. Granted, she hasn't always been the most compassionate (in my opinion) towards me during this pregnancy: Could she not have quietly told me she was pregnant before the big announcement in front of everyone?; did she have to send me a photo of her ultrasound? Honestly though, at the core of it she means well, and I know that. No those maybe weren't the best choices - but I do know that it would break her heart into a thousand little pieces if she knew how much it hurt me.

So, I sucked it up and I went in there. The lone infertile - as much as I could tell. Since I arrived late, I missed the cooing over her perfect pregnant belly. I missed her unwrapping most of her gifts: all those perfect little clothes, those soft blankets, those tiny shoes. I didn't have to go too far into my own land of longing for that which I don't (yet) have.

As an aside? Yes, she is blessed with the most beautiful pregnant body. Just the cutest and most perfect baby bump, EVAH. Everything else? Not one change. She is this perfectly petite little thing with this beautiful belly. Let me just give you a visual of what I will look like, should I ever get pregnant:

I'm not even kidding. This is what I will look like. But should it ever happen? I will not bitch one bit.

Anyways, overall I'm glad that I went. Sadly there was no booze to drown my sorrows in (WTF?!) but there were also no corny games to make me feel even more left out so that was good.

Most of all, I feel like I should be awarded the "Most Awesome Infertile Friend" award because as kind of glad as I was to go, it was also hard as hell. I know that I'll have another shower invite for another friend in the coming months but I'm not sure if I can go through it all again this soon.

But Internetz? I did it. I'd be lying though if I didn't say I hoped it was one of us next. We've been in the trenches too long down here. It's definitely time for one of us.


OppositeOfOops said...

I definitely think there should be an award like that. I'll vote for you for this round, for sure. Can I also propose a "best friend TO an infertile" award as well? The one who remembers to pull you aside ahead of a giant happy announcement, the one who does not post u/s pics to facebook, the one who doesn't say things like, "all my husband has to do is LOOK at me!" while giggling not-so-coyly.

And .... no booze? :/ She definitely does not get the award, not by a long shot.

Mrs. Gamgee said...

You deserve a bazillion and one gold stars! And I hear you about the michelin man thing... if I ever get k/u I will look like a blimp.

Anonymous said...

I agree that booze should be present at all showers! For either the Infertiles (for baby showers), or the sinister spinsters (wedding showers). (Oh my, I may have to pay for that comment - that's why I blog anonymously).

You did a great job! I skipped a family wedding so I wouldn't have to see the newest baby and listen to everyone else ooh and ahh over her. You definitely deserve an award!

tishi said...

baby showers are the worst........ especially the ones where there are TONS of little babies around. I'm glad you missed the perfect little baby outfits and the tiny little shoes. Even on a good day those little baby shoes make me tear up. Well, hopefully the "so.....when is it your turn?...." questions were left to a minimum, and you definitely deserve an award, I have boycotted baby showers!

Goodyear Family said...

I am gladly using work as an excuse not to go to showers. I've been given permision by dh to say "I don't want to offend you but pregnant women piss me off right now" if any of my pregnant friends ask why I'm avoiding them.

irrationalexuberance said...

I totally believe you deserve a gold medal. And a strong drink that some of those damned fertile people pay for. I'm very impressed, and I hope that your Sunday is less of a challenge.

Circus Princess said...

Seriously, there need to be laws against non-alcoholic baby showers!
And you deserve at the very least a medal, a gold star, a big hug, and a high five for going!

Fran said...

Fair play to you my dear, I thank God every time I read about baby showers for the fact that they are not done in Ireland! It's definitely hard. I can imagine your petite friend with just a bump out of her perfect shape...and I then go on to imagine (Evil I know!!) how much more difficult it'll be for her to "pass" that baby to narrow hips and...everything afterwards! Ah well, we all need something to hold on to :o)
Here I award you a super prize for the best friend your friend has. If she only knew...

Steph said...

Kudos to you for making it to the shower. I quit going to any showers a long time ago. And, I really love your blog, BTW. Thanks for being so frankly honest!

Anonymous said...

Good on you for going. I know that took a lot of courage!

I still think she's a total douchebag for the shit she pulled and I hope that baby's as ugly as homemade sin. YES I AM A JERK, WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT?

And honey, they're going to have to cart me around on a fucking garbage barge when and if it ever happens for me. I've already got Richard Simmons and TLC on speed dial.

You are definitely my most awesome infertile friend!

PCOStory said...

Kudos to you! I probably could not have done it, although my MIL asked me to help plan my SIL's baby shower with her... Kinda insensitive, sadly, you can't say no to family.

Lin said...

"Most Awesome Infertile Friend Award" awarded! :-) WTG! Glad you made it through showers are so tough! We just get to grin and bear it while it's a constant reminder of everything we can't have...and/or everything that was so easy for someone else. I can completely understand your concerns about doing another one so soon! ((((BIG HUGS))))

zengirl said...

I think I look like the michelin man now-I will probably look like just one fat massive tyre if I ever do get pregnant! LOL!

You definitely deserve the "Most Awesome Infertile Friend" award a million times over! I'm glad I don't have baby-related functions to attend anymore-most of my friends and family are done with having babies. I feel so old and left behind :-( It would certainly be a good idea to bring your own booze next time. Even if they do serve alcohol, it's always good to have back-ups in moments like this! ;-)

I definitely think it's time the stork came and made a delivery to you! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you for the new year!

Mad Hatter said...

You are awesome. To fertiles and infertiles alike. I am so glad they didn't have games - I so hate the games. We should make up some IF games...How about "The AF Game": Guess who has gone the longest without AF and win a set of OPKs! OR the "Funniest Sperm Sample Story Game"...OH, we could have a ball!!

Anonymous said...

CONGRATS on surviving the shower! I can only imagine how hard that was. It seems like every one under the sun has come up pregnant in our lives lately and I know the list of baby showers is going to start growing and I am SCARED. I am that good Fertility Challenged Friend who can be supportive and happy for them and enjoy their journey but the shower and all those details is a whole different playing field. Ugh. I NEEDED this post tonight. THANK YOU!

Anonymous said...

That picture had me cracking up, thank you, I needed it! I'm glad that you survived the baby shower, ohhh it's rough. It is going to be our turn someday soon.

Lu said...

There is no question that are fertile friends have no idea what we go through. I wish they had just an ounce of a clue of what we go through.

Not sure that I could muster the strength to do a shower right now, so good for you. You are an awesome friend for doing that. period.

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