Oh Internetz, I hope some of you are out there because I need some listening ears.
First, my thanks to all those who helped me out in my last post! You? Awesome. The Provera has in fact kicked my period into full gear and after much going back and forth, I now know that yesterday was in fact my true Day 1 and the day before was just some spotting to get the ball rolling.
So here's where I'm at.
Both Irish Boy and my Naturopathic Doctor (ND) are on the 'wait to start treatments until the New Year' side of the fence. Reasons? Irish Boy and I just joined the gym (and we're actually going) and I'm making some progress with my naturopathic treatments. Their major reasons that they think waiting would be good is the potential for me to lose 5 - 10% of my body weight, especially now that we've been serious about eating and actually working out.
If I may pause here for a moment, Internetz, let me be clear here that none of my doctors (at the fertility clinic or otherwise) are 'fat phobes' and my weight (I'm not a tiny girl!) has never been made an issue. But if I may be honest with you, I've struggled with my weight all my life. At the moment, it's not great, and ultimately, a loss of 5 - 10% would be really good for me for more than just fertility reasons. I'd still have ways to go for sure, but for me personally, I believe that my weight is part of what's made conceiving difficult. (There's more to say here clearly, but I'm on limited time. Let's just say I connect it with my insulin resistance, etc.)
All this said, I'm now on Day 2 of a true and proper period. It's the way a period is supposed to be. My mortal enemy Provera has come through.
So now I'm freaking out and have my head spinning all over the place. What do I do? Do I go back to treatments this month or wait it out until the new year a la Irish Boy and ND's advice? Will the weight loss make THAT much of a difference? Is the fact that Provera has blessed me with a proper period a good sign? Or does that even matter?
There's a strong feeling my stomach that I HAVE to get back to treatments. Like now. I feel like I've been out of the game for a while and for my own sanity I have to at least start trying again. If I don't do a cycle now, I will not do one until the new year because with holiday stuff in December, we just can't do one.
But that could be my post-PMS craziness talking and maybe I'm full of shit?
I also have to note that this is likely our last injectible cycle that insurance will cover. Which means if it didn't work, we're on our own and finances will certainly be a struggle.
I know I'm all over the place. I know I'm neurotic at the moment, forgive me for that. But what would you do?
Thinking about the money - and about the weight - would you wait? Am I wiser to listen to some (sage) advice and focus right now on continuing to lose some weight and eat right, potentially increasing our chances in January?
Oh Internetz, if you read this and have a thought, could you spare it for me? I have to call the clinic with a decision this afternoon either way.
PS - Hopefully my fucking sanity will be restored shortly and I owe you a non-neurotic post!