Friday, November 6, 2009

Benched

I have to try and keep my usual rambling limited today, Internetz, since Irish Boy is eager to get out and grab some lunch (remind me someday to tell you about our favourite coffee shop in town. LOVE.), pick up a printer cartridge and look at snow tires.

How glamorous a life do we lead? I KNOW.

I digress. So again, I must thank all of you for your amazing and thoughtful responses yesterday. Again, you? Awesome.

From the title of this post, you've probably already figured out where we're at. But since I like to ramble, I's a gonna unpack it for you.

Our saga of woe and crazy left off yesterday with me in what can truly be described as a post-Provera panic wondering in short, what the fuck I should do with this cycle? Your advice? Again, awesome. All of it. I really mean that. Thank you to each and every one of you who responded.

So why am I benched? Well in part, I had a good heart to heart with Irish Boy. He really is good people, Internetz, and this crazy bitch is lucky to have him. Our insurance for IF does not 'renew' every year so sadly what we have left, is all that we have left, forever and ever. Amen. There have been no changes to our plan (yes, I did check), so we've basically got enough coverage to get us through one more injectible dIUI and then we're on our own. The finances are an issue for us. Unfortunately Irish Boy has been out of work for a while (eat me, economy) and while this may change in the near future, it's not like either of us are CEO of "Pay me the big bucks" so it will be a struggle to cover these treatments. So yes, finances are definitely a big issue.

But the weight thing is too. I suppose it would be wise of me to do everything possible in this next little while to get myself as ready as possible (within reason) in the hopes that the stars will align, Jeebus will wink, and yours truly will be with spawn after our cycle in the new year. Hey, it couldn't hurt, right?

So here's where my now rambling (and long) tale continues. I knew that Nurse Awesome was at the Fertility Clinic yesterday. We all have a Nurse Awesome, don't we? They may have different names but she's the one who you're actually happy to see when you have to haul ass into the clinic. My Nurse Awesome is great. She's also been through IF herself (ended up with twins via IVF who are now 5, so there ya go) so she does get all of this.

I called Nurse Awesome and laid things out for her. I also told her that I didn't want the typical "Well it's up to you" answer. I asked her to pretend that we were friends out for a coffee and asked her what she'd say to me then. Without taking a breath, she told me she'd tell me to wait.

Wait, what? You don't want me to come in and just spend more money at the clinic? Say it with me, Internetz, "Wha?!"

That's what she said. I told her about my current and more serious attempts at eating better and more importantly exercising. If you've actually gotten this far in this promised short, but actually really, really long post, I'll try and summarize. Irish Boy has gots no sperm so I'm using donor sperm to do IUI's. Ideally that's as far as we'd have to go but that's neither here nor there for right now. I do have PCOS but my hormone levels are in the normal range. I do not have tiny cysts covering my ovaries. I do however have insulin resistance (aka IR - hello early precursor to Type II Diabetes of which I have a family history of, including my beloved mother). My PCOS has likely got lots to do with the IR. How does one control IR? Well yes, Metformin for one. But diet and exercise is huge. HUGE. Like really huge. As huge as my ass. Sorry, I went there.

My HSG, SHG, OMG, and WTF tests all have come back fine. I do not have blocked tubes. I have a "perfect" uterus (not my words). I do have ovulation issues - stemming back to my PCOS/IR.

So here's my, I'm not a doctor, but I like to play one on my blog theory. For me personally, knowing what my weight is now, knowing about my IR, the best thing I could probably ever do is start exercising and losing some weight. Nurse Awesome thinks even as little as 5% could make a difference to how I respond to the injectibles (Low/Slow responder here - holla!).

So after considering the finances, talking with Irish Boy, thinking about my IR, talking with Nurse Awesome, banging my head on my desk, crossing my fingers, and taking a really deep breath...

I am going to wait. When I get my head out of the post-Provera craziness cloud, this is what feels right and makes the most sense to me.

So now I need you to help me live up to my promise of working out regularly and staying on track. Because otherwise, what the fuck am I waiting for?

Thanks for sticking with me, Internetz. I hope you'll continue.

27 comments:

Pregnant Yuppy said...

I know that it was a hard decision to make, but in the long run it will be for the best. My Hubby is overweight and has tried off and on for years to shed some pounds. Maybe it was because we started watching The Biggest Loser, maybe it was because he got tired of having to buy bigger sized pants each time, or maybe it was because of something else, but this year he got serious.

Since January he's made a huge commitment to work out and not to snack during the day. (We always eat healthy at home). When he was out of work (yes indeed - eat me economy) he even worked out daily. The result? He's lost over 60 lbs this year and looks great!

You have the best motivation of anyone. I know that you can lose a mere 5%! Good luck!

liberalgranolagirl said...

I will help you stick with it! What do you want me to do? yell at you via internet? Lay some guilt on you? Help you research diet and exercise? All of the above? Just let me know =)

Beautiful Mess said...

I think you made the right choice! I was going to comment on your last post, but wanted to wait to see if you updated. Get all your ducks in a row, get your body as ready as you can, then go for it! Go to that damn gym like it's your JOB! Plus it'll make you feel better because you'll look SO hot! Well, hotter, cuz your a hot chick!
*HUGS*

Waiting Lisa said...

I've been there. It's really hard to go through all this when you have the guilt of knowing your weight could be hindering things. And it's so hard to lose the weight when you are on so many hormones. It's a bad cycle. Taking a break and trying is a good decision. And sharing this with everyone is very brave. I hope it works for you.

babyincredible said...

i think you made the right choice. i'll email you later, but i'm glad you were able to come to this. i know it was a hard decision to make.

loves you.

womb for improvement said...

Tough, but great that you have a nurse who will give you an honest opinion rather than try and get into your purse. Good luck with the weight loss.

callmemama said...

Gotta love an honest nurse!

I think you made the right choice - any little bit you can do to help the treatments in a BFP will be so worth it :).

Cherish This Life! said...

Nurse Awesome is AWESOME! I am glad you got an honest answer and see a plan that you can tackle. I am in the same boat with you as far as needing to lose some and PCOS does not that make it an easy task...I HATE PCOS! I started this week on the weight loss goal, it's a hard one but I know we can do it!!!!

Keepontrying said...

It sucks to have another waiting period but sounds like it's a good call. At least you will have the holidays to keep you busy. Probably the best time of year to take a break!

irrationalexuberance said...

This sounds like a good decision, not least b/c you and Irish Boy are on the same page. If you want any motivation to go to the gym (and can give some in return!) I'm all yours!

Lin said...

Awww...sorry to hear about the benching, but your logic definitely sounds sound! You know I'm in the midst of the weight loss craziness, too, getting ready for the clinical trial that we may or may not do. If you want a buddy, let me know, k? :-)

zengirl said...

Hooray! Making the decision was probably one of the hardest things you had to do! And now you've done it, you can put your plan into action. If you don't know about Sparkpeople already, do check them out! It's a free website to join! A wonderful community of people who are there to lose weight for health reasons, getting pregnant reasons, fitting into wedding dress reasons... They have recipes, exercises, forums, articles, and charts to help you. One of the most important things you can do to lose weight is actually tracking what you eat! Once you start, you'll be very conscious of what you put into your mouth next! Like liberalgranolagirl said, I will help you stick thru it. Just holler when you need us! Infact, you've just inspired me to work off some of the pounds again! Mind if I join you?

zengirl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jennifer said...

I support you!

I'm so glad you got an honest answer from someone who is intimately familiar with your unique medical issues. Sometimes you've got to have a little help with the decision-making and it sounds like you got it!

W/R/T the execise and the eating better part of the deal, know that you have a workout buddy in Atlanta! We'll get through the rain together, I promise! People are going to be so jealous of our new and improved smaller asses!

Fran said...

I think your nurse is great. But really great. Greater in fact! It was a true felt advice and definitely she knows that to have the best chanches at the next attempt you have to be in perfect shape. Come on chick you can definitely do it. I know you can. Much love, Fran

Mrs. Gamgee said...

I'm glad you were able to get a good answer from your nurse! I am also really glad that you were able to come to a decision.

Add my name to the list of your weightloss buddies! It always seems to go easier when you have someone to cheer you on and walk beside you.

Rebecca B said...

I think we are living parallel lives? Weight, money, PCOS, elevated insulin...wow! I'm going through those things as well. I do have to say that exercise and losing weight has done wonders for me. For months I wasn't even ovulating then trough diet and exercise I got my cycles down to the normal range, and things are going much much better on my end. We are now dealing with the sperm issues and saving up money to start treatments. Unfortunaely, neither one of our insurances cover anything for the treatments. Our tests were covered, but the drugs and procedures are not. So super tight budget, here we come. Okay, this is a long comment. Sorry about tat, but I wanted to let you know that exercise can help so much. Not only does it make you feel better, but just think about how much easier it'll be chasing a little one around when you're already in shape. So stick with it, girl. I'm right there with you!

Natalie said...

I just started reading your blog last wk and love it! Thanks for sharing, we're going to the DR next month for our first visit, TTC for almost 2 yrs, no dice.

Waiting sux! But you have big motivation now to lose those pounds. You can do it! Eat well during the week and eat whatever you want on the weekend (all portions normal size). It helps lose weight but still enjoy life's goodness in the form of yummy chocolate stuffed, whipped cream covered food ; p

Jem said...

Good for you for taking care of yourself.

Just think about how much easier it will be to run around after the LO when it comes.

Circus Princess said...

I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines. You can do it girl!!!!

Queen D said...

Good to hear that you made a decision and your hubby is supporting you along the way. I think that you made a wise choice given your IF coverage and financial situation.
I know that after I was off Provera I felt way less bloated - like I instantly lost 10 pounds.
Hang in there - we will be with you along the way! :)

Mad Hatter said...

Excellent! Daily reports of exercise and diet are expected! YOU CAN DO IT!!! And we will be here to make sure you do! ;-)
Love,
Maddy

Carrie said...

I highly suggest the Atkin's diet. Cutting out carbs and sugar is exactly what us IRers need. Their bars and shakes are pretty nummy, too.

Even just limiting your carbs will help if you don't want to follow the plan step by step. Keep track of how many carbs/sugars you are eating each day now and just start cutting some out. Just being aware of how many carbs are in things really helped me to realize how badly I had been eating. There are delicious substitutes out there! (Russell Stovers has some fabulous sugar-free chocolates, too, if you just HAVE to have something like that. Ooo - I also like the sugar-free lifesavers.)

-Carrie
http://welayinrepose.livejournal.com

KZ said...

Fertility Chick- I too have PCOS with IR. In March we tried our first and only insurance covered IVF, which was unsuccessful. At this time we decided to take some time off, focus on the weight-loss and save money. I remember thinking this was the worst idea ever, but now 8 months later, it was the best decision. I have been working out and lost 20 pounds. All this time we have been saving money, and now can afford another shot at IVF. My mind is clearer, I feel better and I am looking forward to giving it another shot. This time with the weight behind me. Try the Southbeach diet, it is great for PCOS- or even get the book- The Insulin-Resistance Diet by ~ Cheryle R. Hart M.D. and Mary Kay Grossman R.D. It is great and easy to remember for the rest of your life, I swear. Someone once told me that you need to care for your body as if you were caring for your child. Take the time to do that now. Your nurse is dead on.

TeeJay said...

Well, good for you for working out a plan. I'm sure you feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. I don't know much about IR but it sounds like you do, so making a plan to deal with that and making yourself more healthy definitely sounds like the right decision for you and Irish Boy.

minname said...

i need to put a better effort into eating right and exercise too so I'm in!

I think if I can loose some weight and we still haven't conceived by the spring we'll be ready to drop some money on IUI. At least by that time I'll know I'm really ready for it and have done all I can to get my body on board in every way too.

elle said...

I'm going to need some help living up to my proposed workout regimen too! Ugh. And hey, I've nominated you for a blog award, please stop by my site to pick it up!

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