I have to try and keep my usual rambling limited today, Internetz, since Irish Boy is eager to get out and grab some lunch (remind me someday to tell you about our favourite coffee shop in town. LOVE.), pick up a printer cartridge and look at snow tires.
How glamorous a life do we lead? I KNOW.
I digress. So again, I must thank all of you for your amazing and thoughtful responses yesterday. Again, you? Awesome.
From the title of this post, you've probably already figured out where we're at. But since I like to ramble, I's a gonna unpack it for you.
Our saga of woe and crazy left off yesterday with me in what can truly be described as a post-Provera panic wondering in short, what the fuck I should do with this cycle? Your advice? Again, awesome. All of it. I really mean that. Thank you to each and every one of you who responded.
So why am I benched? Well in part, I had a good heart to heart with Irish Boy. He really is good people, Internetz, and this crazy bitch is lucky to have him. Our insurance for IF does not 'renew' every year so sadly what we have left, is all that we have left, forever and ever. Amen. There have been no changes to our plan (yes, I did check), so we've basically got enough coverage to get us through one more injectible dIUI and then we're on our own. The finances are an issue for us. Unfortunately Irish Boy has been out of work for a while (eat me, economy) and while this may change in the near future, it's not like either of us are CEO of "Pay me the big bucks" so it will be a struggle to cover these treatments. So yes, finances are definitely a big issue.
But the weight thing is too. I suppose it would be wise of me to do everything possible in this next little while to get myself as ready as possible (within reason) in the hopes that the stars will align, Jeebus will wink, and yours truly will be with spawn after our cycle in the new year. Hey, it couldn't hurt, right?
So here's where my now rambling (and long) tale continues. I knew that Nurse Awesome was at the Fertility Clinic yesterday. We all have a Nurse Awesome, don't we? They may have different names but she's the one who you're actually happy to see when you have to haul ass into the clinic. My Nurse Awesome is great. She's also been through IF herself (ended up with twins via IVF who are now 5, so there ya go) so she does get all of this.
I called Nurse Awesome and laid things out for her. I also told her that I didn't want the typical "Well it's up to you" answer. I asked her to pretend that we were friends out for a coffee and asked her what she'd say to me then. Without taking a breath, she told me she'd tell me to wait.
Wait, what? You don't want me to come in and just spend more money at the clinic? Say it with me, Internetz, "Wha?!"
That's what she said. I told her about my current and more serious attempts at eating better and more importantly exercising. If you've actually gotten this far in this promised short, but actually really, really long post, I'll try and summarize. Irish Boy has gots no sperm so I'm using donor sperm to do IUI's. Ideally that's as far as we'd have to go but that's neither here nor there for right now. I do have PCOS but my hormone levels are in the normal range. I do not have tiny cysts covering my ovaries. I do however have insulin resistance (aka IR - hello early precursor to Type II Diabetes of which I have a family history of, including my beloved mother). My PCOS has likely got lots to do with the IR. How does one control IR? Well yes, Metformin for one. But diet and exercise is huge. HUGE. Like really huge. As huge as my ass. Sorry, I went there.
My HSG, SHG, OMG, and WTF tests all have come back fine. I do not have blocked tubes. I have a "perfect" uterus (not my words). I do have ovulation issues - stemming back to my PCOS/IR.
So here's my, I'm not a doctor, but I like to play one on my blog theory. For me personally, knowing what my weight is now, knowing about my IR, the best thing I could probably ever do is start exercising and losing some weight. Nurse Awesome thinks even as little as 5% could make a difference to how I respond to the injectibles (Low/Slow responder here - holla!).
So after considering the finances, talking with Irish Boy, thinking about my IR, talking with Nurse Awesome, banging my head on my desk, crossing my fingers, and taking a really deep breath...
I am going to wait. When I get my head out of the post-Provera craziness cloud, this is what feels right and makes the most sense to me.
So now I need you to help me live up to my promise of working out regularly and staying on track. Because otherwise, what the fuck am I waiting for?
Thanks for sticking with me, Internetz. I hope you'll continue.