Saturday, October 10, 2009

Are You Kidding Me?!

Alternate title to this post: You've got to be fucking me.

Internetz, I must have done something pretty awful in a past life or something.

Tonight we were out for dinner with friends of ours. They're a great couple and they have a sweet little boy who's just over a year old. We love spending time with them and they have been pretty supportive of our IF "stuff." As supportive as two people can be who really have absolutely no clue what going through all of this feels like. But you get the point.

Just before walking into the restaurant for dinner this evening, the wife mentioned something about being sick a week or so ago.

Immediately my IF spidey senses were tingling. "Oh?" I asked.

Then I saw the look. The knowing look she shared with her husband.

"It turns out, I'm pregnant again," she smiled.

ARE YOU FUCKING ME!?!

No, that's not what I yelled. But I'm sure I looked like a deer in headlight as my brain started screaming at my mouth, "Smile! For goodness sake, SMILE!"

We smiled and gave congratulations and somehow I managed to choke down my dinner and act all cheerful.

Funny enough, I'm not having a meltdown. Maybe my one from a couple of days ago was enough for now.

I'm happy for them. We're happy for them. As I said, they're wonderful friends and loving parents.

But that's not to say that my heart isn't hurting and I'm sure a few tears will be shed when I'm lying in bed later tonight. Once again infertility rears its ugly head and I'm left dealing with the mindfuckery that may in time really make me bat shit crazy.

What more can I say? Le sigh. I'll just keep plugging away down here in the trenches.

23 comments:

Mrs. Gamgee said...

I hear ya! Some days IF just kicks your ass...

Sorry...

jenicini said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jenicini said...

No, you definitely did not do something bad in another life. You are way too supportive and great for that to be true. I like your alternate title for this post because gosh you keep getting smacked upside the head. I know, thanks for stating the obvious, right? But I just have to say, you are an awesome friend for getting over the deer in headlights, smiling, and acting normal for the meal. One day girl.

AF Recruiters Wife said...

Agreed with jenicini! We were visiting my in laws today, and my husband has a sister who is a junior... she wasn't there when we got there because she was at a baby shower... for a CLASSMATE!!! I guess three girls are pregnant, 2 juniors and a senior. (shes a jr.) It's so frustrating. Oh, and they are not a big high school, I think less then 200 in each class.

Beautiful Mess said...

DAMN! IF is not being very kind to you at all! I shall tell IF to give ya a break. Good for you for finishing dinner and putting a smile on your face. I hope you don't have any more meltdowns.
*HUGS*

Mad Hatter said...

Oh fucking hell! What a lousy appetizer! I'm sure they're very nice, but seriously - would you tell an amputee you just ran a fricking marathon? Okay, that may be a really stupid analogy because we have a chance of getting pregnant but amputees can't grow legs and I realize they're worse off than we are, but hey, it's after midnight and I'm lying here in bed with a bellyache from cheating on my TCM diet tonight and I just want you to know I read your post and I'm here for you, sister!
Love,
Maddy

babyincredible said...

tell god or jeebuz or whoever that you are DONE w/ the whole Job thing, because, SERIOUSLY...

sorry, love. I spent the day @ a baby shower for the 20 year old sister. fuck it all.

Our Shrine.. said...

I''m sorry, you should be like my sister she's an equal opportunity hater, doesn't like people at all. j/k

I can empathize, I have friends who are popping out kids like crazy. I never thought I'd be married going on 4 years and not have kids running around. I want to shake people for not being empathetic to us!!!!! They don't understand the heartbreak because it has come so easy to them.. Keep your head up, and your middle finger down!!lol.. You're going to be a great mommy. Don't stop believin. C'mon sing that Journey Song!! Cry, rant, we'll still be here..

Melissa G said...

Oh man, there is nothing worse than being blindsided by that kind of announcement.

I'm impressed that you were able to keep your shit together during dinner. I more than likely would have had to excuse myself for a good cry in the ladies room. Good for you.

I know it sucks. Hang in there.

junebug said...

I'm right there with you. It just sucks! (((Hugs)))

Mrs Bee said...

Ahh honey how sucky.

I'm glad that you can be happy for them.
Its always hard when someone is pregnant and its someone really close.

Know that we are here to listen whenever!

I'll join you in the trenches.
I have vodka and chocolate.
I'll share.
;)

x
Sass

Fran said...

Well...we just met this morning a friend's wife. THey got married maybe 4 years ago, a bit ahead of us and turns out she's pregnant with her third. We've been the lucky recipient of this very fresh news (her in-laws don't know yet!!). Can you imagine? And here we are, three years on after starting our attemps. Empty handed and empty belly. Here's a shoulder for you to sob on, I'll do the same on yours. Much love, Fran

Wait, What? said...

There really is no good way to get the news that yet another friend is PG, but it is terrible to be blindsided like you were. I'm really impressed you made it through dinner. Of course you are happy for your friend, but it sucks to hear those announcements over and over when you're going through what we are. I hope it helps to know that me and the other amazing girls that have posted on your blog can empathize with you and are here to offer you support.

The Farmers Wife said...

You poor thing!! There is nothing worse then starting out an evening with that news hanging over your head. IF is a bitch!! But all your bloggy sisters have your back girl!! And now you didn't do anything to deserve this. Just think of how much better a mama you will be cause you had to go to hell and back for your little one. And keep venting thats what we are all here for!!

Jennifer said...

I give up. Honestly.

I guess this would be a terrible time to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving.

babyhopes said...

Your description of your brain screaming at you to smile is dead on. I've had that order more often than I'd like.

I keep telling myself that once we IFers get our babies, we will appreciate them more than the ones who got them so easily.

I had one woman (who tried for 6 months for the first kid, and two for the second one) tell me that once we have our baby, after going through everything, possibly including IVF, it would all be worth it. REALLY? You don't think I know that and that's WHY I'm willing to go through all of this. But instead, I followed my brain's order, and smiled and nodded at her.

Hang in there, sweetie.

lowfatlady said...

I'm sorry. It's so hard to hear peoples pregnancy announcements. It sounds like you did a very good job in the aftermath. *hugs*

zengirl said...

Someday, an IF sister is gonna be devastated by the news that you're preggers. But she'll pretend to be happy for you. This is how screwed our IF world is. But I think it's extremely honorable how you put on a face of courage and joy infront of them. I always try to "Do unto others what you want others to do unto you". Hopefully, that "joy" will be returned to you one day!

Khaira said...

I had an ectopic loss this month and within 2 weeks of my loss I found out 2 of the people I confide IF stuff too were both pregnant. I am and did not handle it as well as you. I was told at the end of lunch with one and had that exact thing in my head, "don't cry don't cry, smile and say something nice" I did but I am not a part of her life right now its just too hard. Best of luck

Jaymee said...

i just wish that people would tell us infertiles this news when we are getting ready to leave. i do not mind acting happy for a little moment, but the entire night is often beyond my capacity. hugs

twoweekwaiting said...

For some reason the whole announcing with big grins in unison to me really hurts. I guess I feel they should know better, I don't know. I'm sorry you had to sit there with pinpricks in your heart. I ope you're doin better *hugs*

Lin said...

Double whammy! Sheesh...at leat they might've saved the announcement for dessert so you could have enjoyed the majority or dinner in blissful ignorance. I'm so sorry for the rough week and the double whammy! (((HUGS)))

Amaprincess said...

OMG! I have IF spidey sense too!!!! IT SUCKS! HUGS TO YOU!!!

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