Alternate title to this post: You've got to be fucking me.
Internetz, I must have done something pretty awful in a past life or something.
Tonight we were out for dinner with friends of ours. They're a great couple and they have a sweet little boy who's just over a year old. We love spending time with them and they have been pretty supportive of our IF "stuff." As supportive as two people can be who really have absolutely no clue what going through all of this feels like. But you get the point.
Just before walking into the restaurant for dinner this evening, the wife mentioned something about being sick a week or so ago.
Immediately my IF spidey senses were tingling. "Oh?" I asked.
Then I saw the look. The knowing look she shared with her husband.
"It turns out, I'm pregnant again," she smiled.
ARE YOU FUCKING ME!?!
No, that's not what I yelled. But I'm sure I looked like a deer in headlight as my brain started screaming at my mouth, "Smile! For goodness sake, SMILE!"
We smiled and gave congratulations and somehow I managed to choke down my dinner and act all cheerful.
Funny enough, I'm not having a meltdown. Maybe my one from a couple of days ago was enough for now.
I'm happy for them. We're happy for them. As I said, they're wonderful friends and loving parents.
But that's not to say that my heart isn't hurting and I'm sure a few tears will be shed when I'm lying in bed later tonight. Once again infertility rears its ugly head and I'm left dealing with the mindfuckery that may in time really make me bat shit crazy.
What more can I say? Le sigh. I'll just keep plugging away down here in the trenches.