Friday, August 28, 2009

Worthy

Let me be clear here that I do not need a table for one at the pity party. Think of this more as a 'keepin' it real' post. But this has been on my mind, so I think it's time that I go there.

Am I worthy? This is a rhetorical question. Am I worthy of the work that I personally need to do to potentially help my fertility. Am I worth making the time for things like exercise, eating right, getting enough sleep, relieving some stress.

At the moment, the honest answer is no.

No. I'm not. Or at least that's what my actions are saying.

I have PCOS. That is a fact. Whether I am trying to get pregnant or not, I need to exercise. I need to. I don't have to become a fucking olympic athlete, but I need to do something. Same with eating. A coffee double double and timbits (they are donut holes, my American friends!) is fine once in a while, but as much as I'd like to, I cannot live on them. Am I worthy of taking the time each day to have and prepare foods that not only do I like, but that like me back.

I am a born people-pleaser. I deal with it daily in my career, in my relationship with my parents, my friends, and perhaps to a lesser degree, Irish Boy (we're more about balance, bless him). I'd probably do something for a complete stranger without thinking twice about it, but take the time I need each day for me? Not usually.

Sometimes it happens. Mostly it doesn't. I am realistic. I have a busy job. A semi-decent social life (when I don't feel like retreating to a cave). But I'm still not worthy in my books.

I need to be worthy in my own eyes. I could get 1000 comments on this post (wishful thinking, I know) telling me I'm worth it. But unless I believe it from myself it doesn't matter. That's the sad truth.

I don't want to get all Stuart Smalley on myself. But doggone it. I need to be worth it.

12 comments:

jenicini said...

Just the fact that you think about being worth it, means that you are. People who are not, do not even consider this. That being said, I feel you. I'm very much the same way. *hugs*

Mad Hatter said...

Well, lady, we ALL know you're worth it, but if you can't always believe it, or if you need something more to motivate you, do it for your future babies and for Irish Boy! They need you! XOXO

Mrs. Gamgee said...

I hear you... I hope you find the lasting motivation you need.

~ a fellow tibit-nation resident

ICLW

babyincredible said...

you are. you know you are, you just have to get out of this headspace (me too.) i completely understand your feelings, but they are not good for you, or the process.

that being said, i have never been able to do things for MYSELF. so it's really hard to keep eating/exercising/acu/etc. consistent, because i'm not doing it for me. when i can convince myself that it's for getting pregnant, it's a little better, but the same problem remains, i don't feel like i'm worth it, so i end up giving up.

you're a great person, and an amazing friend. i'm sorry you're struggling.

loves.

PCOSChick said...

I too am a born people pleaser & due to that I have the same issues as you, especially at work-it's just super tough that I work for my mom!!

But I know what you are going through, because I have been thinking/feeing the same way too.

I also know it's not good to feel this way & I do want you to know you are a great, amazing person! Your support to me (& I see you do it to others) is amazing & you really are worthy!

lowfatlady said...

*hugs* I know how you feel. I have pcos and I don't exercise either. It's so hard to get motivated and to keep going. I hope that we can both find the motivation to keep going. Good luck and you are worth it.

Fran said...

My dear, I had to become a follower just to see how long it'll take to convince yourself that you are indeed worth it :o) no no no, I don't want to enter the debate if you are worth it or not, I'm much more interested in knowing why you asked yourself this question. Will it change what you are doing? Will it chage your quest to become a mother? I don't think so. I don't think you'll give up your dream (that will tell me it wasn't much of a dream afterall), I don't think becoming worth it in your eyes (ie. exercising, eatign better, sleeping more etc) will have a major impact on the outcome, certainly will make you feel better, but if it has to make you even more miserable because you feel your are failing, probably that isn't worth it. We all have our weaknesses, our low moments, but it's important to see them for what they are and not beat yourself up for it. I'll stay tuned!
Much love, Fran

Busted Tube said...

Finding that motivation and time for yourself are so difficult. Sometimes it takes months or years, but we can get there faster by taking it one step at a time. I'm not there yet and I'm having a really hard time getting to a point of being on the right path, but I know we can do it. Even if it just means switching to tea or walking around the block- start small! Good luck! I have confidence in you!

Beautiful Mess said...

Of course I agree with everyone that said you're worthy, but I also, understand having to believe it yourself.

I hope you can see yourself as we see you. Worthy of everything.
*HUGS*

Voluptuous Canuck said...

Those effin' timbits get me every time too. I understand exactly how you feel.
My sister in law was in a similar situation to yours and it was tough. However, now she has two stunning babes. Hang in there you are certainly worth it!

BumpBlogger said...

I can totally feel you on this one. You are worthy!

twoweekwait said...

It's hard I understand that completely. I too have PCOS and its a constant struggle. You are worth it, its just so tough to make yourself a top priority when so many are vying for your attention and time. *hugs* I believe you can do whatever you set your mind to.

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