Let me be clear here that I do not need a table for one at the pity party. Think of this more as a 'keepin' it real' post. But this has been on my mind, so I think it's time that I go there.
Am I worthy? This is a rhetorical question. Am I worthy of the work that I personally need to do to potentially help my fertility. Am I worth making the time for things like exercise, eating right, getting enough sleep, relieving some stress.
At the moment, the honest answer is no.
No. I'm not. Or at least that's what my actions are saying.
I have PCOS. That is a fact. Whether I am trying to get pregnant or not, I need to exercise. I need to. I don't have to become a fucking olympic athlete, but I need to do something. Same with eating. A coffee double double and timbits (they are donut holes, my American friends!) is fine once in a while, but as much as I'd like to, I cannot live on them. Am I worthy of taking the time each day to have and prepare foods that not only do I like, but that like me back.
I am a born people-pleaser. I deal with it daily in my career, in my relationship with my parents, my friends, and perhaps to a lesser degree, Irish Boy (we're more about balance, bless him). I'd probably do something for a complete stranger without thinking twice about it, but take the time I need each day for me? Not usually.
Sometimes it happens. Mostly it doesn't. I am realistic. I have a busy job. A semi-decent social life (when I don't feel like retreating to a cave). But I'm still not worthy in my books.
I need to be worthy in my own eyes. I could get 1000 comments on this post (wishful thinking, I know) telling me I'm worth it. But unless I believe it from myself it doesn't matter. That's the sad truth.
I don't want to get all Stuart Smalley on myself. But doggone it. I need to be worth it.