Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Exile

It is the first cd-3 I've had in a while that didn't involve a violation of the ultrasound wand and bloodwork. I have an appointment with the Fertility Clinic's RE tomorrow and to be honest I have no clue what to expect.

If I hadn't even pushed to see the RE I kind of wonder where I'd even be at the moment?

I'm hoping tomorrow I have some answers. I know I have proclaimed that I am on a break, but in truth, since the clinic seems to be putting me on hold too, I feel a little like I've been exiled. The choice of this break has only been semi-mine - so it doesn't seem as precious as it might have.

I'm feeling lost. I don't know how to live out a cycle without ultrasounds, needles, and follicle counting. I don't even know if my body will have a cycle without the help of all the meds.

I'm definitely in a fertility funk. I had a mini meltdown last night proclaiming that my body would "never get pregnant" and have been cursing myself ever since.

Where do I go from here? I have absolutely no clue. I guess I'll just be roaming around in the wilderness a little while longer.

2 comments:

admin said...

I hear you about not knowing what to do - this feels like a full-time job sometimes.

Team Marmanbee said...

Fertility funk is a good way to describe this limbo we all seem to be floating around in. Good luck tomorrow!

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