Sunday, May 31, 2009

Back to the beginning

Here we are at CD-1 ...yet again.

It was so very nice of my period to decide to show up before I even got a chance to go in for the beta bloodwork. But even "nicer" for it to make its first appearance yesterday in the public washroom of the convention centre where I was for a conference for the past three days.

Just awesome.

To rub salt in my wounds, even though this morning made it abundantly clear that it is truly my period and not some implantation spotting or some other hopeful sign, the fertility clinic is making me drag myself out of bed at the crack of dawn tomorrow morning to do the bloodwork anyways.

I don't know where to go from here. I talked about a break for the next couple of months and in all reality, short of doing one more medicated cycle this month, I will need to take a month or two off because of holidays, etc.

But I also talked about getting my ass in gear and if I push myself into another cycle without doing that, maybe pregnancy will be a delusion yet again. Money is running out on my insurance*. And there isn't much other money to work with right now.

I don't know what to do.

I'm so tired from all of the conference events, I haven't even really processed this all yet. There haven't been any tears - perhaps I'm so used to not getting pregnant, I'm emotionless about the whole thing.

I need advice - to do one more cycle before a mini break or not? That my friends, is the question.

*Re: insurance. For all of you shaking your fists at me because you don't have any insurance that covers this wonderful world of infertility, I understand. My coverage is only $3500 maximum per lifetime - so you can just imagine how quickly the injectibles eats that up. Am thinking of telling the insurance company that I'm a cat and that I'm using my 2nd life. Bastards - $3500, really? I'm grateful for some. But it feels like just a drop in the bucket at the rate I'm going.


Fat Chick said...

Yikes, I really don't know about to break or not to break. What does hubbie say? It's a tough call. FWIW, I feel totally pressured to keep trying COME HELL OR HIGH WATER, but I don't know why.

$3500 in a lifetime is nothing - my injectables last month alone cost more than that.

Fertility Chick said...

Thanks for your thoughts! I feel like I should keep going too (even though I totally said otherwise a few posts ago!). Part of me was caving to the pressure of my Dr. who started the "weight issue"...but I'm feeling like we need to get a little more aggressive with dosages, etc.!

And yes, my insurance blows! :)

Anonymous said...

I'm glad my blog has given you some "inspriration"

Now on to you!

Insurance is miserable. If we had a deadly disease we would get more than $3500 to treat it! Then again, IF we get prgnant with 8 kids we get a tv show AND insurance will pay for those 8 kids too! Urgh.

I'm on a forced break due to hubby needing one...and while I didn't want to go on it I'm so glad I am now. It really has put things into perspective. There is no reason why taking a break has to feel like giving up. So, if you need to regroup both mentally, physically and financially I am 100% for it!

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