Here we are at CD-1 ...yet again.
It was so very nice of my period to decide to show up before I even got a chance to go in for the beta bloodwork. But even "nicer" for it to make its first appearance yesterday in the public washroom of the convention centre where I was for a conference for the past three days.
To rub salt in my wounds, even though this morning made it abundantly clear that it is truly my period and not some implantation spotting or some other hopeful sign, the fertility clinic is making me drag myself out of bed at the crack of dawn tomorrow morning to do the bloodwork anyways.
I don't know where to go from here. I talked about a break for the next couple of months and in all reality, short of doing one more medicated cycle this month, I will need to take a month or two off because of holidays, etc.
But I also talked about getting my ass in gear and if I push myself into another cycle without doing that, maybe pregnancy will be a delusion yet again. Money is running out on my insurance*. And there isn't much other money to work with right now.
I don't know what to do.
I'm so tired from all of the conference events, I haven't even really processed this all yet. There haven't been any tears - perhaps I'm so used to not getting pregnant, I'm emotionless about the whole thing.
I need advice - to do one more cycle before a mini break or not? That my friends, is the question.
*Re: insurance. For all of you shaking your fists at me because you don't have any insurance that covers this wonderful world of infertility, I understand. My coverage is only $3500 maximum per lifetime - so you can just imagine how quickly the injectibles eats that up. Am thinking of telling the insurance company that I'm a cat and that I'm using my 2nd life. Bastards - $3500, really? I'm grateful for some. But it feels like just a drop in the bucket at the rate I'm going.